All Things Anne

Some funny one-liners!

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The part of the automobile responsible for most accidents is the nut holding the steering wheel.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? (Got this as a spam comment!)

This guy goes into a restaurant, and a robot comes up to him and says, “Hello, I’ll be your conversationalist for the evening until you are seated. What is your IQ?”
The guy says 160, and the robot talks to him about the theory of relativity, NASA stuff, and quantum mechanics. The guy is intrigued, and decides he has to come back.

The next night, the robot comes up to him and says, “Hello, I’ll be your conversationalist for the evening until you are seated. What is your IQ?”
The guy says 100, and the robot talks to him about sports and NASCAR. He is quite intrigued, so he decides he has to come back again.

The next night, the robot comes up to him and says, “Hello, I’ll be your conversationalist for the evening until you are seated. What is your IQ?”
The guy says 50, and the robot says very slowly, “Are…you…voting…for…Hillary?”

An amateur genealogical researcher discovered that his great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription:

“Remus Starr; horse thief; sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887; robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives. Convicted and hanged 1889.”

In a Family History subsequently written by the researcher, Remus’s picture is cropped so that all that’s seen is a head shot. The
accompanying biographical sketch is as follows:

“Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”