Some funny one-liners!
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
The part of the automobile responsible for most accidents is the nut holding the steering wheel.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? (Got this as a spam comment!)
This guy goes into a restaurant, and a robot comes up to him and says, “Hello, I’ll be your conversationalist for the evening until you are seated. What is your IQ?”
The guy says 160, and the robot talks to him about the theory of relativity, NASA stuff, and quantum mechanics. The guy is intrigued, and decides he has to come back.
The next night, the robot comes up to him and says, “Hello, I’ll be your conversationalist for the evening until you are seated. What is your IQ?”
The guy says 100, and the robot talks to him about sports and NASCAR. He is quite intrigued, so he decides he has to come back again.
The next night, the robot comes up to him and says, “Hello, I’ll be your conversationalist for the evening until you are seated. What is your IQ?”
The guy says 50, and the robot says very slowly, “Are…you…voting…for…Hillary?”
An amateur genealogical researcher discovered that his great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription:
“Remus Starr; horse thief; sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887; robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives. Convicted and hanged 1889.”
In a Family History subsequently written by the researcher, Remus’s picture is cropped so that all that’s seen is a head shot. The
accompanying biographical sketch is as follows:
“Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.”
On Saturday we went to the convention (of which I’ll post later!), and while waiting for Mom and Dad in their meeting, we listened to Little Bear Wheeler. He is a Christian historian, and was very interesting to listen to! Here is a joke he told (not exact, but quite close):
Moses and Jesus were part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball right up on to the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It hit a truck tire, flew up, and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water and onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the eagle, in its excitement squeezed the frog, which dropped the ball, which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.”
That may sound a little sacreligious, but you know what? It’s only true. God can do anything!
God is on the throne! That doesn’t mean God is ONLY on the throne, we know He’s everywhere! It simply means, God is in control. God is on the throne, not Anne (thank goodness!), not you. And the Maker of the universe cares for us! Can you believe it? Any time I think on that very much, it just awes me!
Give God your worries…he’s going to be up all night anyway!
Why I Slept With Toilet Paper In My Ears., August 13, 2009
You know what is strange? What it... The Cute Unattached Ones, June 26, 2009Powered by Wordpress | Log in | 
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