All Things Anne

The Adventure of the Chair
or, The Redneck Home Improvement Show

Once upon a time there was a family who at one time had very nice office chairs, but over the years of use, had become…well, not-so-nice. One was a trick chair–if you leaned too far back, you fell over. The back was broken on another so it was able to fold up like a clam. So, when the Mom saw an offer for a free office chair, she couldn’t pass it up. So she brought the chair home, and it sat in the living room for a few days.

For some reason, this chair developed a terrible habit while being in the living room. Somehow, the “feet” where the wheels attached to had somehow moved up the stick thingy underneath, so it was kind of high and dry on the middle thing. So, this morning, the Dad and the Oldest Brother, Ben, decided to do something about it. The Dad put a board underneath, and each he and the Oldest Brother had a board, which they put on the “feet”. Each whacked at it with a hammer.

It actually worked, too! Ben went through two boards though, to Dad’s one. But it’s at least a “sittable” chair now!

The Adventure of the Cup
The rule is, after dinner, everyone who has chores in the kitchen (everyone older than Tess) has to stay in there until it’s all cleaned. Quite recently, Dad’s been taking pills every night after dinner, because that’s when he remembers. Well, as soon as Dad gets up, that’s like the “all clear” signal and everyone asks to be excused and gets up and starts cleaning. More than once, by the time Dad gets back to the table, his cup is gone. “It’s called efficiency!” we try to say. So, he’s taken to saying “Don’t touch my cup!” while he goes in the other room to get his pills. Sometimes, we like to play jokes on him.

Joke #1: Few weeks ago, Mom bought some milk that was on sale, and while Dad was going to get his pills, Beth…um…disobeyed him (with Mom’s help) and dumped his water out and filled it with milk. That was a pleasant surprise!

Joke #2: Tonight Joe played a HILARIOUS joke on Dad, though. Em had the same kind of cup as Dad, only hers was about empty, and Dad’s was half full. Dad got up and we asked to be excused, but he said “I’ll think about it.” He left. Joe quickly switched his cup with Em’s. Dad came in and looked at his cup, and stopped. “Hey!” he said, then started chasing Mom around saying it was her fault, and tickling her.
“Switch it!!” I mouthed to Joe. He did.
Dad finished tickling Mom and came back and saw his cups switched. “It’s YOUR fault!” he said to me.
“No!!” I said, and Ben said it wasn’t my fault either.
“Oh, so it’s YOUR fault!” Dad said to Ben.
“No!!” he said.
“Whose fault was it??” Dad asked. We all pointed to Joe. “Aha!! I’m going to pour the water on your head!” Dad said.
“It’s your water!!” Joe said.
It was kind of a crazy few minutes, but we clarified YES it was his water, YES it was Joe’s fault.

It was fun.

The other day Mom acquired a mattress, and since the big boys moved out of the room downstairs and the little boys moved onto the triple bunk bed, there was an extra bed frame. The twins, Tess, and Beth cleaned the little girls’ room (the twins and Tess share it), and moved the bedframe into there, and Abby moved into there too. Now the little girls’ room has the twins, Tess, and Abby, and the big girls’ room has just Beth and I. (Our room doesn’t have enough room for another bed.) Abby’s very excited to get her new bed! She’s rather confused, though, she calls both rooms hers now!

I’m not sure about Beth, but I kind of miss having her in our room. Actually, the first night her bed was in the twins’ room, she slept on Beth’s bed in our room! Yesterday Beth folded up the playpen Abby had been sleeping in. Soon Elle Jane will be sleeping in it in Mom’s room, when–oh, nevermind about that.

The only time you truly look at something without the screen of your bias is the first time. Once you’ve made up your mind, that bias forever colors your thinking. It’s possible to change your bias, but it’s hard.

A bias is the way you look at things. Think of glasses. If you have rose-colored glasses, everything has a rose-colored tint. The analogy of changing biases doesn’t quite extend fully to glasses, though, because it’s easier to change glasses than to change biases. But I hope you get the point; everything looks different through your bias.

Here’s something to think about:

You take a monkey who’s never seen balls or color (or at least red and green), and set two balls in front of him, a red ball and a green ball. This is the moment of decision. Which will he choose? He looks back and forth from one to the other, indecisive. Each are presented to him equally. Finally he chooses the red ball. Next, five green balls and a red ball are presented to him. It’s automatic, he chooses the red one, no matter there are more green ones.

Like so it is with issues, facts, and biases. Say the initial red and green balls were issues. The monkey chose one side. Say the additional balls are facts. Though there are more facts for the green side than the red, the bias leans towards the red.

Why do you think public education is so “important”? Because if they can get their opinion in your kid first, your kid is biased to their bias. If they are teaching untrue things, your kid is biased to their untrue bias, and will most likely stick to that bias no matter how many facts are shown them. (By reading this, I’m sure you can see my bias!)

The problem comes in when people read the Bible with a biased view. Everybody does, including me, because we all have biases. That is the problem. The solution is to put on God’s bias. When Jesus was talking to the people, He didn’t talk in worldly terms. He talked in Godly terms. From God’s perspective, the only one that matters. The Pharisees tried to understand it with their understanding, and it didn’t work. If we try to understand the Bible with our 21st century perspective, it doesn’t work. It wasn’t meant to be understood by people’s perspectives at all. It was meant to be understood from God’s perspective. God’s perspective is radically different from ours. His perspective doesn’t make sense to us in our sin-drenched view of things (though we should continually seek to have His perspective on things), but you know what? That’s ok. I, for one, am glad I don’t understand God because if I did, He would be a pretty small God indeed.