All Things Anne

This here is the Redneck Guide to Computer Lingo.

Log on Makin the woodstove hotter

Log off Don’t add no more wood

Monitor Keepin an eye on that there woodstove

Download Gettin the farwood ofn the truk

Megahertz When yer not keerful gettin that farwood downloaded

Floppy disk Wharcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood

RAM That thar thang whut splits th farwood

ROM Whut tastes grait when ya mix it with Coca-cola

Hard drive Tryin to climb a steep hill in th winter taim

Prompt Whut th mail ain’t in th winter taim

Windows Whut to shut when its cold outside

Screen Whut to shut when its blak fly season

Bit A wager, as in “I bit you cain’t spit that watermelon seed across th porch longways”

Byte Whut them dang flys do

Chip Munchies fer th TV

Microchip Whuts left in th munchie bag

Cursor Wharcha do when yer mad at yer sister

Infrared Whur th left over munchies go, Fred eats em

Modem Wharcha did to the hay fields

Dot matrix Ol Dan Matrix’s wife

Laptop Whur th kitty sleeps

Keyboard Whur ya hang th dang keys

Hardware Sunday clothes

Software Them dang plastik forks and knifs

Mouse Whut eats th grain in th barn

Mainframe Holds up th barn ruf

Port Fancy Flatlander Wine

Enter Northern fer c’mon in y’all

Random access memory When ya caint member whut ya paid for yer new rifle when yore wife asks.

Network How ya git the fish in th boat after ya hook it

LAN To borrow, as in “Hey Delbert, LAN me yore truck!”

Packet Wharcha do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag afore a trip

Reboot Wharcha do when yer first pair a boots gits all muddy